How to be the Cool Girlfriend for your Man

Hey ladies!  I already taught you how to attract a man and you’ve successfully gotten one or at least what looks like one.  That’s great!  But don’t relax just yet.  You could easily do something to make him leave you in a dark miserable pit of despair if you aren’t careful.  So in this blog I’m going to teach you all about how to be the cool girlfriend that your man can brag to his buddies about.  Remember that you are property and he has every right to take pride in creating what you’ve become.  Here are three ways to be the cool gal.

The first thing you need to do to be cool enough for your bloated and slightly molding man friend is to be open to his way of life.  So many girls lose their boyfriends because of petty complaints like “Greg how could you have sex with another woman after we’ve been dating for 4 years?”  or “Alfalfa why did you hire a prostitute right in front of me?”  Well, knock it off ladies because a little syphilis never killed anyone.  A cool girl isn’t clingy.  A cool girl understands that boys will be boys and they are victims of their own sexual ferocity.  Instead why don’t you try offering them a snack or some Plan B?  Nothing says “I support my boyfriend” like allowing him to pulsate and sweat all over a better looking girl right in front of you!

The next thing you need to do to be a cool girl is to substitute all of his interests for your own.  If you bring up the topic of makeup in front of him you are proving that you have the intellect of a lobotomized sea cucumber and you are worthless.  A cool girl needs to be obsessed with sports and understand every single sport statistic her man throws at her.  You also needs to drink beer because even though a fruity drink tastes better, drinking that pint of toxic waste makes you one of the guys.  But don’t get too comfortable.  Just to make sure they don’t actually think you’re one of the guys keep one breast exposed at all times.  If you’re too much of a prude to leave your privates hanging out in front of him and his friends you can just remind him every few minutes that you still have a fully functional and mobile vagina.

The last thing you can do to be a cool girl is to make sure you keep up with the guys when they’re drinking.  Some girls might find it difficult to keep up with their 6 foot 8, 400 pound boyfriend but these girls could benefit from a better attitude.  Researchers have proven that what alcohol does to the body is the result of a placebo effect.  What does this mean for you?  Well it means that the voice in your head telling you to walk away from that 15th shot of rubbing alcohol can scurry away and go nag someone else.  Nothing makes you a fun gal quite like replacing your plasma with ethanol!

If you stick to these tips you’ll be the envy of all your friends and your boyfriend will be the envy of all of his.  Of course just remember that no matter what you do, never lose yourself in another person.  If you blindly follow all of my advice you’ll be an independent and free-thinking lassie in no time!

 

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